during my 6th period class who, by the way, have begun their final projects for the class and have, for the first time since I've known them, entered that zen-like work state which is rarely achieved in any class and less often by classes like 6th period, I had a visitor come and stand quietly in the doorway, his long board in hand, waiting for a chance to talk to me. It makes sense that he would stand there quietly since, in the years that I have known him he has never done anything louder than quietly, not even when he was standing with his head poked through a life-size mural we drew of King Henry XIII's body reading the lines, "I'm going to kill you and marry another woman," would he speak above a monotone whisper. His face is one I know very well, being a former student of mine, that is except for the part beneath the scraggly beard he always used to wear.
But besides coming to show me his shocking lack of goat-y beard and his newly torn and dangling earlobe due to excessive gaging (which I warned him about on many occasions), he had just come to say hi. What I haven't told you about him yet is that, since I've known him, this student has been homeless. Not living on the streets, thank God, but squatting in various friends homes or staying with his pushy girlfriend, her child, and large family.
On the one hand I was so happy to see him standing in my doorway, skinny as ever but looking less like an old man and more like the kid that he still is. I was happy to hear that he broke up with his girlfriend and was looking for a job. But there was also a genuine lack of activity in his life since he graduated. I asked him what he had done since then and he told me "nothing". I believe him.
His visit left me thinking about many things. It made me think of the role I play in my students' lives and the impact I have for good or bad. It made me think of my purpose as a teacher, the reasons I pound out lesson after lesson about wars and presidents and change. But most of all it made me think of my family and the rest of my very extensive support system. I have so many people in my life, people who care about me, people who give up time and money and effort for me, people who think of me and pray for me, people who know about my woes and my triumphs, people who I can cry to or laugh with, people I love and who love me back. I have been so abundantly blessed in an area in which he is so desperately lacking.
Monday, January 9
Thursday, August 25
betrothed
Betrothed is my favorite of the many words that describe my current state of being. There are plenty to choose from: engaged, promised, pledged, affianced, plighted, espoused, attached. I suppose they all serve the same purpose when telling people that I will be getting married, except for plighted which probably doesn't mean anything to most people being such an archaic word.
Engaged is the most common word, I suppose, although it is my least favorite. The truth is I am incredibly engaged right now.. engaged with work, engaged with planning a wedding, engaged with trying to keep my body fed, clothing clean, and room tidy. The word reminds me of all the things I have to do and that isn't the way I like to think about Scott and my relationship with him, as something on my to do list for October 7th.
That is why I prefer betrothed. The origins of this 13th century word include bi- "thoroughly" + treowde "truth, a pledge". That is how I feel about Scott, thoroughly pledged. I didn't expect to ever feel that way about anyone, but I couldn't be happier that I have found it in a person who not only accepts my love but returns it. Scott is my best friend and the best part of my day, for time and all eternity.
Now is the part where you tell me how happy you are for me that I am betrothed and ask what you can do to help now that I am engaged :)
Monday, July 4
Saturday, June 25
Sunday, May 8
On Moving
For the past two years I have lived in the basement.
Base.
1 The lowest part or edge of something, esp. the part on which it rests or is supported. 2 a conceptual structure or entity on which something draws or depends. 3 the main place where a person works or stays. 4 a main or important element or ingredient to which other things are added. 5 use as a point from which something can develop. 6 without moral principles; ignoble.
From Old French bas, from medieval Latin bassus "short". The senses in late Middle English included low, short and of inferior quality; from the latter arose a sense low on the social scale, menial and hence reprehensibly cowardly, selfish, or mean.
Now I live on ground level. My room has two very large windows and with one small window in my closet.
Window.
1 an opening in the wall or roof of a building or vehicle that is fitted with glass or other transparent material in a frame to admit light or air and allow people to see out. 2 a thing resembling such an opening in form or function. 3 an interval or opportunity for action.
From Old Norse vindauga, from vinder 'wind' + auga 'eye'
source: that dictionary that pops up when I right-click on a word and then click "look up in dictionary".
Base.
1 The lowest part or edge of something, esp. the part on which it rests or is supported. 2 a conceptual structure or entity on which something draws or depends. 3 the main place where a person works or stays. 4 a main or important element or ingredient to which other things are added. 5 use as a point from which something can develop. 6 without moral principles; ignoble.
From Old French bas, from medieval Latin bassus "short". The senses in late Middle English included low, short and of inferior quality; from the latter arose a sense low on the social scale, menial and hence reprehensibly cowardly, selfish, or mean.
Now I live on ground level. My room has two very large windows and with one small window in my closet.
Window.
1 an opening in the wall or roof of a building or vehicle that is fitted with glass or other transparent material in a frame to admit light or air and allow people to see out. 2 a thing resembling such an opening in form or function. 3 an interval or opportunity for action.
From Old Norse vindauga, from vinder 'wind' + auga 'eye'
source: that dictionary that pops up when I right-click on a word and then click "look up in dictionary".
Tuesday, April 26
sudden changes
This morning, on my way to work, I drove past a full blooming cherry blossom tree. As I drove past the tree, a sudden flurry of white flowed toward my windshield. I assumed it was a delightful morning spritz of cherry blossoms, but, as it turns out, it was a strange dark snow storm flattening out my spring morning. As I drove closer and closer to work I passed through the curtains of grey moisture, watching, with each successive glance, the blue April sky thinning and disappearing into November.
Sudden changes happen. Your flip flop breaks and you are left awkwardly shoeless. You feel sick and must quickly excuse yourself, leaving people glancing and wondering in your wake if you are alright. You discover your landlord hasn't been paying the bank by an eviction notice on your door. There is little we can say or do to return our lives to the trajectory we were on before the change. Before your car smashed into the car in front of you or before you learned that bit of information that changed everything.
The good news is that, as intelligent beings, we have a developed phrase to help us cope with these sudden changes. Well, that's life. We say those words the same way we say, "That's technology," when our fancy smart phone insists that we are touching the screen when, in fact, we are not. Or like we say, "That's Aunt Janice," after receiving yet another ridiculous pair of birthday socks whose destiny, like all the others, is to be humored, and eventually, discarded. This phrase allows us to resign ourselves to the greater forces: technology, Aunt Janice, and especially life, that rascal.
I remember a time I spotted, from a ways off, a dense storm cloud dropping heavy rain ahead of me in an expansive valley somewhere in the void between Colorado and Utah. I distractedly drove through that valley keeping one eye on the baleful storm, anxiously anticipating the clashing of our two paths. Just before the sun gave way to the pelting beads of rain, I was ready: wipers on, hands at ten and two. I was laughing as I hit the wall of heavy, pelting rain and hail like one laughs as the roller coast car drops over a precipice, delighted at the suddenness of it. That's life.
Sudden changes happen. Your flip flop breaks and you are left awkwardly shoeless. You feel sick and must quickly excuse yourself, leaving people glancing and wondering in your wake if you are alright. You discover your landlord hasn't been paying the bank by an eviction notice on your door. There is little we can say or do to return our lives to the trajectory we were on before the change. Before your car smashed into the car in front of you or before you learned that bit of information that changed everything.
The good news is that, as intelligent beings, we have a developed phrase to help us cope with these sudden changes. Well, that's life. We say those words the same way we say, "That's technology," when our fancy smart phone insists that we are touching the screen when, in fact, we are not. Or like we say, "That's Aunt Janice," after receiving yet another ridiculous pair of birthday socks whose destiny, like all the others, is to be humored, and eventually, discarded. This phrase allows us to resign ourselves to the greater forces: technology, Aunt Janice, and especially life, that rascal.
I remember a time I spotted, from a ways off, a dense storm cloud dropping heavy rain ahead of me in an expansive valley somewhere in the void between Colorado and Utah. I distractedly drove through that valley keeping one eye on the baleful storm, anxiously anticipating the clashing of our two paths. Just before the sun gave way to the pelting beads of rain, I was ready: wipers on, hands at ten and two. I was laughing as I hit the wall of heavy, pelting rain and hail like one laughs as the roller coast car drops over a precipice, delighted at the suddenness of it. That's life.
Thursday, April 14
the archives
I was organizing old pictures today from my archive (using this word makes me feel legit) and found some that I like. Here is a peek into the archive (again, legitimacy).
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